Pre-Morning Walk Conversation by Kate (with some Fondue interjections)

The human talks to us a lot.  Most of the time we have no clue what she is yammerin' on about.  Sometimes we watch her body language and listen for the word "bad" or "good" and that will help us out.  This morning, I was a bit clueless.  She's blabbering while she's getting ready for our walk.  Does she really think this is the time to have a convo?

I was sitting on the rug waiting for her to "get ready" for the walk.  I swear, why does it take so long for her to be ready for the walk.  I hop half way off the couch, get in a really good stretch and boom...I am ready to go.  Well, I would be if it wasn't followed by what feels like forever as I follow the human around the house.  I add a little happy dance and excited wiggles thinking that will make her move faster, but it doesn't work.  The thing that drives me crazy is watching her play with those things she put in her ears.  It resembles her tying her shoes, but the exact opposite.  She gets frustrated sometimes and I don't understand why.  Just put them in your ears so we can go - who cares if they are all waded up.  I know I don't.

So, back to this morning.  I had one of those moments that causes all kinds of emotions from the human.  Sometimes there is a sound and other times I am unaware until one of two things occur.  Either I get a wiff of a splendiferous aroma or the human gets very animated and here is what I hear.  "blaaaahhh, KATE, blah blah blah blah?  BLAH!" [human translation - Ugggghhhh, KATE, what did you eat?  GAG!]  This morning I hear Kate with a long string of words.  All I could think was, "please stop talking and let's go!" [human translation - Kate, don't just sit there and fart.  Go outside and go to the bathroom.  Don't wait until we get on the walk just so that I have to pick it up! Dang it, how come these earphones are always so tangled!]

We FINALLY went on the walk.  With the new leashes, I don't get to sniff as much as I would like and if I have to go to the bathroom, I have to signal the human so that she will stop.  Today, I didn't feel like stopping because she was so determined to walk.  I decided to wait until I got back to the house to do my business.  And, for some reason, I am picking up a vibe that the human is happy about that.  For the life of me, I cannot figure that one out.

She Says I Bit Her by Fondue

Yesterday the crazy human came home after abandoning us for the afternoon.  When she walked in the door, it took forever to take in all the smells.  My feelings were hurt that she had been with so many other dogs.  Doesn't she get enough attention here at home?  Is she not getting enough puppy love right here at Whitaker Manor?  Yet again, I just don't get that crazy human.

But, I will confess, it didn't take long to forgive her of her transgressions.  She brought a new bag in the house and put it on the counter.  Somehow I knew there was something in there for me. (okay, it was for Kate and me, but let me have this one moment, will ya?)  She reached in the bag and pulled out a new frisbee.  It didn't take long for me to make it to the backyard.

I love playing frisbee with the human - even though she really needs some throwing lessons.  I can never predict which way I need to run to catch that darn thing.  And, there is quite a dilemma for me as to whether I will need to jump or get really low to the ground.  There's no consistency, but it's fun nonetheless. 

Since we had been at the house alone for what felt like forever, I will admit I was a little wound up. What happens next is what is up for debate.  She was standing there about to throw the frisbee and for the life of me I don't know what was taking so long.  Seemed like she was just standing there holding the frisbee while making a grocery list in her head.  So, I did what any good dog would do.  I ran and leapt into the air, opened my mouth as wide as I could and clamped down on the frisbee.  So I thought.

When I made it back to the ground, much to my surprise, I didn't have a frisbee in my mouth.  What I did have was the familiar taste of the human's skin.  Okay, I guess I need to be honest here.  I also detected a slight hint of blood, but it was only slight.  I looked at the human who was holding her arm and speaking in a frantic tone.  I did my best to look apologetic, but I just wasn't feeling it.  After all, had she thrown the dang frisbee when she was supposed to none of this would have happened.  I am happy to report the she got over feeling bad about making me bite her and she threw the frisbee for a while.  We had lots of fun.

Single and Living Alone

When I tell people that I am single and that I live alone, I guess I am not really being honest.  There is great beauty in being able to do what you want when you want. And, one of my favorites, having what you want for dinner - whether that's a frozen dinner, a bowl of cereal, or nothing at all.  There are no other humans to plan around and most of the time that's really nice.  So why am I being dishonest?  It's because I live with two dogs.  Here's a perfect example....

It's Friday night and it's been a long week.  No particular reason why it was a long week, it just was.  I think about what I would like to have for dinner and of course my first thought is "I think I'll hit a drive-thru."  And then, I remember a promise I made to myself after my last drive thru experience - no more eating food obtained while driving up to a speaker and sitting on my fat butt ordering an unhealthy meal only to drive forward and receive my food thru my car window.  If I can't be physical enough to get out of the car and walk to get my food, then I don't need it. 

If I have to get out of the car, I'm going to go for something that taste better than fast food, and then it hits me - I want to make some hummus and have it with these new pita chips I bought at the store earlier this week along with a Bocca burger.  I call a friend and we discuss hummus recipes and then the mission begins.  But, as I walk in the grocery store they have piped the smell of rotisserie chicken thru the air conditioner vent and like a zombie, I end up standing in front of them staring at them like I have just reunited with an old lover.  I decide to walk away and go find the chickpeas and then again, like a zombie, I am in front of those dang chickens staring at them again.  Somehow I mustered up the strength to find my way to the chickpeas and Bocca burgers and leave the store.  Victory is mine and I am so proud and excited about my hummus adventure.

As I pull in the drive, I see the little white face and the little brown face peeking under the blinds.  Both of their heads are vibrating back and forth because the other end is wiggling out of control.  This particular sight is one of the best parts of my day.  I am very excited about seeing the girls and being greeted with such enthusiasm.  I put the key in the door, make my way in, great the girls and proceed to the kitchen counter with the grocery bags.   I set them on the counter and look down and see the note.

Susan, the dog walker extraordinaire, left me the following, "found an empty bag of pita chips on the living room floor."  By the look on Kate's face, I believe this would be her interpretation...

The crazy human walked in and the mood was so fun.  She was smiling and laughing and I know she was impressed by my wild wiggling.  Fondue was trying to out cute me by using her little "woo woo" voice, but I know that the crazy human loves my wiggles just as much.  And then it happened.  I am no scientist, but I am not sure how the temperature can get so chilly in a room while fire is coming of the human's nostrils, but it can happen.  I immediately assumed the "I am so sorry, I won't do it again (even though she knows that I will) pose."  Then there wasn't just fire from the nostrils, there was smoke from the ears, at this point I begin to shake uncontrollably.  She picked up the thing on the wall and began talking into it and she was very animated, I shook a little more.  Then I sensed the human's mood change and she left the room.  I stayed away from her because I was a bit afraid.  It didn't last long and to be honest - I'd do it all over again.  I am after all, just a dog and I don't have the ability to understand that she was pissed about the pita chips.  Oh, guess I just confessed that I did understand, oh well, they sure were good!

So, yes, I am single and live alone.  And, for the most part I don't have to worry about someone eating the last one of something.  If it's gone, I was that "someone."  Unless, I forget to put the pita chips in the pantry and have the audacity to leave them out on the counter. 

BTW...I made the hummus anyway and it was delish.  Would have been better on pita chips, but because of this situation, I discovered that cherry tomatoes are good dipped in a cilantro jalapeno hummus.

What is that Human Thinking

This morning on our walk, we saw a cat.  We jumped around, whined, and as embarrassing as it may be, we squealed.  And what did the crazy human do?  She ignored our pleas!  She sped up, tightened up on the leashes and walked with an intense determination.  We communicated "CAT! CAT!CAT!" for as long as we could and she was so disinterested.  We just don't get her.  We love her, but don't get her.

Walk at the Grandparent's House by Kate

Holy Cow!  or is it horse, or bunny, or bird, or cat....oh heck, I don't know!  My nose can't take it all in.  This is great! 

The walk down to the road is uncomfortable.  There are these big, hard, lumpy things that we walk on and then there are some that are small and get in between my toes.  They hurt, but it's worth it.  The human tries to guide me to the grassy area, but when I try to go into the high grass she pulls me back, so I walk on the lumps.  I think it makes her feel bad.  Although it's wrong for me to be manipulative, I just can't help it.  Sometimes I will kick my feet out and look back at her with a pathetic look.  It makes me laugh a little inside.

Next door there are these really big animals.  They walk on all fours like a dog, but I don't think they are dogs.  Whatever they are, I feel sorry for them because I've seen humans put a big seat on them and then get on their backs. After they mount up, they kick their sides and yell giddy up.  I just can't imagine how degrading that must be.  But they seem to enjoy the interaction with the humans, so I guess to each his own.  What I really like about them is their tails.  They are long and swishy and it makes me jealous.  All I have is a little nub.

Two doors down from the grandparent's house is the County Youth Park.  Most of the time I don't like this place because it's loud.  Today though, there were big trucks and trailers and little humans.  This one little human really liked us and was waving his hand and smiling.  I really like little humans. They remind me of my life before coming to live with my current human.  But, I don't like to talk about that.

On our way back, I saw something shooting out of the ground way off in the distance.  It was freaky and threatening, so I stopped and gave it my best low growl.  The human kind of giggled, which really confused me that she would giggle when I was trying to protect her.  So, to show her how serious I was, I gave it another really deep growl.  And then she said, "It's a water fountain, Goober!" as she continued to giggle.  I'm not sure that it was necessary to laugh at me, much less call me a Goober, but I like her laugh and smile, so I will tolerate it.

Speaking of the human smiling, there were these big things in the sky.  They had lots of colors and made a loud noise.  There were humans in them, which kind of freaked me out, but the human said that she's always wanted to go up in a hot air balloon.  So, I guess they are called hot air balloons.  Just for the record, I love her, but I sure don't want to go on that adventure with her.  Maybe another human will join her.

Overall, this was a great walk.  And the best part was at the end, after we made it back in the house and drank some water.  Granddad (who really isn't my granddad, he adopted me just like my human did) woke up and I really, really like him.  I got so excited, probably too excited, because the human had to get the water bottle.  I hate that water bottle, but that's a story for another time.  For now, I am going to go take a nap and dream of all those smells on our walk today.




 

Trash Day!

Trash Day - it's the best.  As we walk out the door the aroma hits us and the excitement builds.  The human - not so much.  To her, it seems like just another day.  There are some things about her that we will never understand. 

As we turn the corner from the driveway, we are a bit disappointed in the next door neighbors because they stack their recycling and cover it with a brick.  They must put their good stuff on the bottom.  It's probably revenge because of all of our barking.  But, then we hit the next door down.  They have a very small human.  Oh my!  The smells that come from their trash and recycling is beyond heavenly.    Again, the human doesn't get it because she begins tugging on our leash and saying,"come".  Really?!  Why doesn't she get it?!

After the small human's house, it's a bit downhill from there.  No, we don't mean that we are walking down a hill, it's that the after the small human's trash and recycling, there's not much better.  Well, except for that light pole that the human tolerates us sniffing for a while.  It's hard to read all that pee-mail in the time she let's us sniff.  Oh well, guess we should be grateful that she takes us on a walk (not sure what that means, but we've heard her say it before!).

Maybe tomorrow we'll share about the chicken bone that we keep coming across.  We try not to stop every time and sniff it out.  This is because we try so hard to make the human think that we can't remember things.  You know, things like - we shouldn't stand half in and half out of the doggie door or we shouldn't bark at the neighbors who have lived next door since we've lived here and, well, the list goes on. But, we're not sure that we can trust that you won't tell the human our secrets.  You are, afterall, one of them.

What a Rip-Off!

That crazy human ripped us off this morning.  Last night she started that convulsing she does that's followed by a loud noise.  She calls it sneezing - we call it annoying.  Just picture it, we're sound asleep on the couch and are chasing opossums (well, actually, we've caught them and are eating them, but we didn't want to gross you out) and then AAACHOO!  Our adventure ends and we're thrown into the present and there she is - running around looking for a kleenex. BTW...she would find one much easier if she wasn't always hiding them from us.  Not sure why she can't share them - they are so fun to shred. 

So this morning, she was so lazy and wouldn't take us for a walk.  Not sure what the problem was - we woke her up in time.  The Princess even did that weird talking she does, but nothing.  The brown one (that's me, but don't tell her because I want her to think that Fondue typed this) was as adorable as I, I mean "she" always is - but nothing.  All she could accomplish was shuffling to that machine she worships every morning - you know the one that makes the stuff she puts in a cup and drinks? (never figured out why she doesn't use a bowl).  Anyway, guess Fondue shouldn't complain (hee-hee), at least she fed us.  And luck for her, since we have to depend on her to feed us tonight, we'll be over it by the time she gets home.

Another Fun Evening: by the Crazy Human

It's a little before 4:00 in the morning and I had just been up to go to the potty. I made it back to my bed and thought, "Oh good, a couple of more hours of sleep" As I settled in, it sounded like Kate was going to find her way to the couch and I would have the bed all to myself. I was mistaken. A few moments later, I hear the pitter patter of feet, which is the precursor to the jump onto the bed. Oh well, still a couple of more hours of sleep - they just won't be as comfortable.


Almost asleep, drifting, drifting...nope! It begins. Kate sniffing. A little at first and then frequent and more intense. I momentarily stop breathing and reflect back to the previous morning and I freeze. You see, I had the roof replaced on Tuesday and it never dawned on me that there would be fallout. I don't mean fallout like pieces of the roof falling, I mean something like - You jump in the shower and then immediately jump out screaming because there is a water bug that is a little surprised by the sudden raining in his world. Not to mention a large, naked human screaming and running about.

My first thought is, "can she really smell a water bug?! Is there one in my room? Oh crap, is it in my bed?" (btw...I don't think crap was my choice of words!) I did have the sense to turn on the light and look around the room. That's where my sense ended. So, up I go. Barefoot. In my pj's. Following Kate as she leaves the room sniffing.

I walk into the dark kitchen and proceed towards the back door to check and see if Fondue is okay. Kate is still sniffing and following her nose and about the time that I thought to myself, "Self, I wonder if Fondue is sick," my foot comes in contact with something wet. "Dang it," I think. (okay, dang it probably wasn't what I said either, but oh well.) I go to the kitchen to turn on the light, all the while berating myself for walking around in the dark barefoot. I go over to see what my foot touched and there it was. A mangled up little baby opossum.

Now to get the true visual here, let me set it up for you. Once I realized what my foot had touched, I believe that I could have audtioned for Riverdance and won the lead role. Grossed out is an understatement to what I was feeling. And while I was doing my little jig, I believe all I said was, oh God, oh God, oh God. This was a combo of "I am so freaked out" and a sincere "what am I going to do now" prayer!

After I washed my foot, I proceeded to the garage to get a shovel to scoop the poor little bugger up. From past experience I knew that it was quite possible that he was still alive. The entire time I was scooping him up, all I could visualize was this poor tortured critter coming out of it's catatonic state and hissing and attacking me. I managed to get him scooped up and took him out to the front yard. (btw...at some point I did get dressed. I didn't want to add somehow bumping into one of my neighbors at 4am in my pj's. For most people, that wouldn't happen, but it is me we're talking about here!) All I can say is that if he wakes up, I hope he has the sense not to get into the backyard. If he doesn't, I hope some animal drags him off so that I don't have to deal with his little carcass again.

Fondue is a little miffed that her treasure is missing, doesn't understand why I scrubbed her face, and needs to be thankful that I didn't turbo blast her mouth out with soap! She's also a bit confused as to why I am not fawning all over her since she did bring in the kill. It is a definite reminder to me that I am living with the dogs!

Sunday Morning Stroll

One of the stray cats in the 'hood and the girls are in cahoots - I just know it! The stray hides under my car so that when we get back from our walk they can see if I am paying attention. I think I can hear dog and cat laughter as I am skiing across the front lawn trying to figure out what just happened. BTW...I think I even heard a bird or two laugh!